


The Greek Mistake

by poD7et



Category: Supernatural, Xena: Warrior Princess
Genre: F/F, F/M, I don't know, M/M, Reincarnation, astral projections?, centaurs?, i'm shit at tagging, mentions of lyceus, they forgot about adam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2017-01-17
Packaged: 2018-09-18 02:24:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9361685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poD7et/pseuds/poD7et
Summary: Xena must go to the future to save all of humanity, or at least Ares and Aphrodite's sorry asses.She travels to the future and the Men of Letter's Bunker sometime around season 11.





	1. The Greek Mistake

Something was amiss in the land of Xena.

Xena needed to do some spirit tripping to the future. Protect her soul and stop Lucifer. Or something.

Whatever it was, it was serious. Ares _and_ Aphrodite showed up and managed to not bicker long enough to explain something about the fate of humanity depending on Xena stopping her future self from making a terrible mistake.

So she did some drugs and probably wore some dead animal skins and sent her spirit to the future.

\--*-----

Dean felt something inside him and said as much.

“Sam? Cas? I think there’s something inside me.”

Cas looked at his lover and was deeply offended that it wasn’t him, or at the very least, something that he instructed Dean to put there. “What the hell, Dean?”

“I don’t know, man. Angel. Whatever,” he sputtered.

Cas squinted and raised an eyebrow and then started rooting around in Dean’s mind to check for infidelity.

“I just . . . CAS! Get out of my head! That’s not what I meant!” he shouted realizing what Cas had inferred. “I just uhh . . .”

“There’s another soul in your body,” Cas answered matter of factly in his classic season four or five deadpan.

“No shit, Sherlock. And after your soul-eating fiasco, I think you can agree that one is more than enough in here,” Dean said, his voice rising. “Well? What are you waiting for? Mojo this asshole out of here!”

“Dean, I cannot simply “ _mojo_ ” another soul away. That’s not how it works,” Cas replied rolling his eyes and using the finger quotes and any other Cas quirk that would identify him as Cas.

“Where am I?” Dean asked. “Where’s Gabrielle?”

“Gabriel’s dead. That was awhile ago, Dean. And we’re in the bunker. Are you alright? Maybe you should lie down, babe. I mean, Dean. Yes. Dean,” Cas said, thinking that Sam didn’t notice. Sam had been noticing for several years now, but played along because it was sorta cute how they thought they were so slick.

“I don’t think that’s Dean,” Sam pointed out.

“Oh,” was all Cas could muster.

“Where’s Lucifer?” not-Dean asked with a level of seriousness and urgency that neither Cas nor Sam was used to.

Cas and Sam shared a pointed look and then slowly pointed toward a door from which shitty teenage boy, angry at the world music was blasting.

Not-Dean walked toward the door and kicked it in with surprising ease. Actual Dean would not have been able to do so.

Cas and Sam contemplated following, but both of them were too dumbfounded by everything to move.

“Huh?” Lucifer said, followed by the sound of a record scratching. “YOU!”

“Hey, sweetie,” not-Dean said, followed by sounds Sam and Cas quickly wanted to unhear.

Cas was immobilized with horror for all of two seconds before he ran into the room.

“LUCIFER!” he bellowed. “YOU’VE ALREADY BEEN INSIDE ME. NOT GET OUT OF MY BOYFRIEND WHO IS NOT CURRENTLY ACTING MUCH LIKE MY BOYFRIEND AND WILL GET A STERN TALKING TO AFTER THIS IS ALL OVER.”

Back in the relative safety of not that room, Sam was happy because Cas just admitted that he and Dean were fucking. He was also happy to not be there. As a long time bunkmate of Lucifer, he knew that he had already seen far too much of the man. And some things, as hard as one might try, you cannot unsee.

\--*-----

Apparently, not-Dean was none-other than Xena, the warrior princess. She wasn’t just a kitschy TV icon. She was an honest to goodness actual historical figure. And inhabiting Sam’s big brother. And also she had corrupted Lucifer and made him king of hell. Well, shit. That blow a big hole in Christianity. And for Miss. Do-gooder-of-the-year, she done fucked up real good on this one.

But all was forgiven, given the fact that she just kicked Lucifer’s from here, straight back to hell. There would be hell to pay later. Crowley would see to that. But for now, the threat of the greatest evil to ever evil was gone.

Sam and Cas were eternally grateful and caught Xena up and all the shit Lucifer caused starting with Azazel’s shit back when Sam was a baby.

“So, you’re Xena?” Sam asked more than a little excited. He loved that damn show. He’d watch it whenever he could. Dean did too, but well, Dean wasn’t around right now. Sam wondered if he could hear everything happening.

“In the flesh . . . well, I guess not so much,” she said with a giggle. “And you are?”

“Sam Winchester. Dean, your meat-suit’s little brother,” he answered.

“Meat-suit?” Xena repeated.

“Oh, uh . . . that’s what we call the body that houses another entity like an angel or a demon,” Sam explained.

“I see,” Xena answered somberly. “So you must be to Dean what Lyceus was to me. I loved him dearly. But I am glad that you survived the war.”

Sam suddenly felt very guilty. He knew he should have been dead. And that Dean should be dead. And Cas should be dead. He wondered why he wasn’t dead. But then he wondered about that Xena show. Xena should’ve died a few time too. And Dean sure did his share of dying. Perhaps they were just meant to live.

“But what of Toris, my other brother?” Xena asked.

“Well actu--” Cas said at the same time that that Sam said, “We have no other brother.”

“Odd,” Xena answered.

There was an awkward silence.

“So you’re an angel?” Xena asked.

“Yes,” Cas replied tersely.

“I had wings once,” Xena said remembering a time long past. “I wouldn’t do that again.”

“It has it’s benefits,” Cas said with a smile that made Sam feel uncomfortable.

“What does?” Dean asked.

“Being an angel,” Sam said cocking an eyebrow.

“You’re an angel?” Dean asked.

“Sam,” Cas interjected, “that’s your brother. It seems that Xena has left Dean’s vessel.”

“Huh?” Dean asked. “Wait. Are you saying that Lucy Lawless chick was inside me? She’s hot. If that’s true and you’re not yanking my chain, I can die a happy man. She’s hot, dude. Right?”

Sam had a few things to say. Like how Dean should probably want to be inside Lucy/Xena. But then again, given the revelations he had today about Lucifer and Cas, he wasn’t all that surprised by that statement. Plus Sam was smart enough to keep his mouth shut.

\--*-----

“Xena?” Gabrielle asked as the body she was guarding stirred.

“Sam?” Xena asked, her eyes still closed.

“ _Sam_?” Gabrielle parroted. “Who in Zeus’s name is ‘Sam?’” Gabrielle asked with more than little bit of accusation in her tone.

“Zeus is dead,” Xena replied.

Gabrielle gave Xena her best bitch face before smiling. “I’m glad you’re back.”

“Me too,” Xena said, smiling before her eyes fell on the hoof prints surrounding her.

Gabrielle picked up on that and quickly kissed Xena, hoping the distraction would be enough as she swung out her left foot to try to dust away the prints.

“I missed you too,” Xena said looking lovingly into Gabby’s eyes, “but I didn’t miss the hoof-prints.”

“Hoof prints? I don’t see any hoofprints,” Gabrielle lied as she listened to the faint sound of something galloping away.

“Don’t even try,” Xena said, grabbing Gabrielle by her wrists. “Who was it?”

“Who was who?” Gabby said, her smile betraying her betrayal. “No one here but me!”

“I can still smell him on you,” Xena said.

“That’s just creepy, you know,” Gabby retorted before she could stop herself. “I mean, uhhh, just me and Ares and Aphrodite. Right? Guys? GUYS?!”

Ares and Aphrodite were nowhere to be seen.

“So there was a centaur here,” Xena deduced.

“Now, I never said that!” Gabby quickly replied.

“But you didn’t need to,” Xena answered.

“Well . . . uh . . . it was . . . um . . . Aphrodite! A spell! Yeah! A spell. I was spelled. That doesn’t count. Like with Draco. I wasn’t into him, but he was crazy about me. I had to fight him off!”

“So those bruised around your neck . . . ?”

“Battle scars?”

“Battle scars? Oh, I mean . . . battle scars!” Gabrielle said, weaving a tale, “These are the marks of the evil succubi, Centaur-i! He uhh . . . wrapped his giant--”

“Gabrielle,” Xena interrupted.

“Xena, let me finish,” Gabby countered. “Like I was saying, he wrapped his giant centaur hands around my--”

Xena laughed so loudly that Gabrielle lost her train of thought.

“Xena, what’s so funny?” Gabby asked, hands on her hips and face full of upset mother hen.

Xena couldn’t get the words out while she laughed. Gabrielle stepped forward and sat hip-to-hip with Xena. And that’s when she saw it. Her centaur lover was standing right where she had been no more than a moment ago.

“Xena, I can explain. This is my uhh . . . second cousin half-removed from my uhh, father’s sister’s mother’s daughter’s side.”

Xena was too busy rolling on the floor laughing to put up a coherent argument.


	2. The Drunk(er) Draft

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is what I wrote when drinking ALL THE WHISKEY at [name redacted]'s place.

Something is amiss in the land of Xena. 

Xena needs to do some spirit tripping to the future. Protect her soul and stop Alti. Or something. Or maybe it’s something about Lucifer? I don’t know.

So she does some drugs and probably wears dead animals and goes to the future.

\--*-----

Dean feels something inside him and says as such.

Cas looks at him and is all like WTF. Why is it not me?

Dean talks to himself. We only hear one half of the conversation.

BAAAASICALLY xena is explaining the shit that is going down and dean is all like yes. Things _are_ going down. And then there’s explanations of things that are happening. Then Xena and Dean talk about life. Like where is Gabrielle. And Dean is all like Gabriel? Gabriel is dead, yo. And Xena is hella sad. But bwahahahahahaha. It’s totally Cas. ‘Cause reasons we don’t talk about yet.

So then there’s Lyceus or however you spell it. Depending on how drunk you are later you should check how to spell that. Lyceus is still alive and it’s totes Sam. Lyceus!Sam and Xena!Dean bond. Huzzah! 

WHY ARE YOU NOT DEAD!

You should totes be dead.

But he is not dead.

Dean is the saving of the dead brother thing.

Xena says that is wrong and such.

Xena asks about her other brother. The one I don’t remember the name of. Depending on how drunk I am later, I should look this up. Sam and Dean are both like duuuuudes, we don’t have another brother. LOL LOL other internet speak.

Then the bad thing shows up. It is bad.

Sam and Dean fight it. Dean probably does a somersault and yells AI YAI YAI YAI YAI because reasons. Sam is amazed. 

They beat the thing. And say like dudes, you need to like stay in Dean. ANd Dean is opposed to having some ugly-stereotype things ancient, actually check how old she might be? Year old chick inside him. 

Xena asks about other characters. Some of whom are centaurs. 

Then like shitty centaur jokes. HAHAHA

I have included the theme. 

I win.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a coldesthit. I don't know. Just roll with it.


End file.
